How does it feel in my arms?

Random mid-day post. Today’s prooving to be SO challenging. I havn’t even left the house yet and I’m so uggh.

My arms keep on cramping. They hurt SO bad. They feel like my muscles are contantly being pinched. I’ll probably start getting spasms soon, I wouldn’t be surprised. I gave up on trying to find an outfit that fits today. None of my tshirts fit me properly anymore. I’ve lost too much weight. They’re all smalls?? Like.. Geeze. They do that thing where the back is all baggy because there’s nothing there too cling too. My boobs keep getting bigger tho, so I get the bulge in the front too. Gosh. I wish I didin’t throw my scale out so I could know EXACTLY where I’m at. It’s driving me insaneee.

I’ve also had someone in the back of my head today that definetly should not be there. My father does notttt deserve to be missed. But, I can’t seem to shake that feeling, or him, from the back of my head. I just, miss him. Plain and simple. I think it’s pretty decent and understandable for someone to miss their father, no matter how much of a reluctant alcoholic he is. Ah I don’t know.

I just hate going through my day with all these goddamn thoughts in the back ofmy head. They always trigger more thoughts, and by the end of the day I’m exhausted and awake in my bed.

Guuh.

Day Five – Item You Have Owned The Longest

Uhmm.. I have no idea what this would be.. I get rid of my things on a pretty constant basis. I’m too much of a perfectionist to be a packrat, or a hoarder.

I remember what you said. Every word. they follow me around, casting their shadows. Blocking my sunlight, forcing me to walk around them.They leave a lasting impression on me that lasts for the rest of the day. The rest of the week sometimes. And just when I forget about them, they come back again. Bigger this time. I’m afraid of the day when I’ll have to walk miles … just to get around them.

I won’t ever follow them into the dark.